NSW Country Barbarians

NSW Country Barbarians is a team made up of a mixture of country blokes playing in the city, country blokes who have played in the city and country blokes who have never been to the city.

What this team lacks in skills, fitness, looks and finesse, it definitely makes up for in post match revelry. This team will not let a hard day of rugby, in the sweltering February heat get in the way of a frothy chop (or twenty) at the end of the days proceedings.

Following the theme of many great under world hit squads, team members for the purpose of the profile are done so by colours. Profiles below:

1. Mr White
Just gets the job done, there is no-one more dedicated to the pursuit of victory than Mr White. His integrity and determination on the pitch are an example to all. However, his off field pursuit of intoxication and waking up in a daze leaves a lot to be desired.

2. Mr Black
Mr Black is a new comer to the eastern suburbs and if past exploits are repeated, he may tear the place to shreds. Has worked in teams with Mr Orange before and is looking forward to the opportunity to dazzle the Sydney spectators. Look out pubs, clubs, single women and Mr Black, look out for the police, they are determined to make your life hell.

3. Mr Blue
Or should we say, Mr Quiet. Mr Blue leaves his talking to his on field performances. Mr Blue has all the skills and makes the game of rugby look easy whilst leaving a path of destruction in his wake. Has been seen at the odd watering hole however the Tens tournament and the launch of the NSW Country Barbarians will surely bring out the ‘evil’ Mr Blue.

4. Mr Green
Probably well past his prime but good on him for having a go. A glimmer of hope when he played a few games with a number on his back above 10 recently however he will be quickly brought back down to earth when he gets handed the No.3 on Friday 9th February. Mr Green will be a leader in post match frivolity and may not make it on the Saturday however he will certainly die trying. Makes playing hung over look easy, and if he makes it to the ground on Saturday, he will be in the running for best on ground as he seems to save his best performances for when he feels at rock bottom.

5. Mr Orange
Mr Orange has the ability to turn a game around. Can kick, can pass, can run and he certainly has a go when it comes to a few ‘pigs ears’ after a game. New comer to Sydney and may be led astray by Mr Black however management will do their best to hold off the celebrations until Saturday night.

6. Mr Pink
Aptly named Mr Pink for his sense of style and obsession with self image. A classy player on the field who can fill a variety of positions and a solid performer off the field also. A country boy who is not new to the eastern suburbs and relishes the opportunity to hit the dance floor. A reliable team player who has had a few injury set backs but seems to be well on track now to regain his impressive form.

7. Mr Purple
With a pending marriage, team management will be doing all they can to keep Mr Purple on the straight and narrow for the entire weekend, a task that no person has been able to achieve in the past when there is alcohol in the vicinity. A well rounded player who leaves nothing in the tank, however there is concern over how full the tank is currently, it looks full, but rumour has it that it is unleaded fuel and he may blow up early

8. Mr Yellow
The last member to fill the team hence the worst name allocated. Has the speed of a thoroughbred with the drinking habits of Homer Simpson. Level of contribution will be directly linked with how soon he gets kicked out of the pub on Thursday and Friday nights. Rumour has it that he may switch teams as he is worried he might not be able to keep up with the older generations. Mr White has taken responsibility for guiding this young man back to the safety net of the Barbarians.

9. Mr Brown
Back from an overseas stint especially for the tournament. Lacking game time however determination and grunt should make up for what he lacks in petrol. Mr Brown in conjunction with Mr green have the potential to bring things undone for not only this team but for every unsuspecting rugby player in their vicinity. He was rumoured to have been intimate with a sub zero bottle however all photos have been destroyed.

10. Mr Turquoise
Tireless worker, dedicated to the cause but can be led astray easily. Mr Turquoise will be separated from Mr Green on arrival and will be told to concentrate on the task at hand. Not afraid to wind things up a little off the paddock, so look out.

11. Mr Silver
Stalwart, role model, never say die, commitment are all terms and words that come to mind when describing this team member. He will never retire, nor should he. He will lead from the front, dragging blokes through the trenches with him. If you see him drinking vodka and raspberry on Friday or Saturday night, stay away.

12. Mr Gold
Mr Gold is probably the quickest in the team however this is nothing to be proud of if you saw the collective times over a 50m dash. Has the skills and experience to make a difference and will be sort after when a covering tackle is required. Mr Gold has never turned his back on a challenge and keeps coming back from injury to prove that he is still at the top of his game. Thank goodness this tournament is in Summer otherwise he would probably be skiing.

13. Mr Mauve
Country boy come pretty boy. Mr Mauve is the hard hitting, fast running take no prisoners kind of player. With nothing to prove on the paddock, Mr Mauve will look to turn things up when he hits the Bondi Vice party on Saturday. Mr Mauve will be there when you need him to be, he is a hard working team member with all the skills necessary to destroy his opposition.

14. Mr Maroon
A bit of an unknown to the team however his rap sheet seems to sing the right tune. A lumbering type who wont lie down and will add some bulk to the pack that might just be the difference. Could possibly leave some of the smaller members of the team with a headache should they choose to drink with him.

15. Mr Navy
A bit of a play maker and can be utilised in many positions from front row to full back. Don’t let the size of his arse fool you, it simply adds horsepower to this already highly skilled player. Off the field performances rate higher than on field. From a young age he has mixed it with the best and kept pace. We look forward to more of the same from this young yet experienced magician.

16. Mr Grey
Well and truly past his prime, that is assuming he ever had one. A determined player that has managed to keep on going when many have told him to stop. It is unknown whether this is because he is painful to watch or they actually fear for his health. Has the uncanny ability to make the simple things look difficult however will be there holding up the bar at nights end. Can always be relied upon to share a beer and that is probably where his contribution will be best felt.

17. Mr Beige
Returning to Woollahra No.2 after a couple of years testing the water overseas. Has been known to pull off some bi hits however he is somewhat lighter in frame than when we last saw him so he may revert to human skewer tactics as opposed to brick walls. Mr Beige can turn it up when off the pitch as well. An eternal juvenile on the turps and the tens is a perfect opportunity for all to see how immature he really can be.

18. Mr Cerise
Look out Sydney. Mr Cerise never ceases to amaze those around him how he can keep going and going. Has been seen in a daze many a time after a 4 day bender. Has hosted a few cracker backyard BBQ’s and makes up a mean frosty fruit vodka cocktail…..Mr Cerise is on first name basis with customs officials having been back and forth that many times recently…..not to mention the body searches. A fitness fanatic that will assist greatly when the more rounded individuals look for that well earned beer.

19. Mr Grey
Well and truly past his prime, that is assuming he ever had one. A determined player that has managed to keep on going when many have told him to stop. It is unknown whether this is because he is painful to watch or they actually fear for his health. Has the uncanny ability to make the simple things look difficult however will be there holding up the bar at nights end. Can always be relied upon to share a beer and that is probably where his contribution will be best felt.

20. Mr Aqua
The enigma of the team. Possibly the worst communicator in history however he does make up for it with his on field chat. A quick wit with the physical presence and ability to back it up are always a great addition to any team. If he makes it through the racial abuse expected, Mr Aqua, will have more of an impact that his name suggests.

21. Mr Lime
Has been know to lead our youth astray and has successfully brought an early end to many a young blokes playing career. Mr Lime will be a leader in post match celebrations and will be the ideal mentor to the younger players of the team.

22. Mr Ruby
We welcome Mr Ruby not as a player but as a role model. Mr Ruby is an advocate of the sausage sanger, a frothy chop and a good game of rugby. He is not built for tens, hence his position in the support crew for the Barbarians. Combining the roles of Father, tournament organising, team contribution, eating lots of Colleagues burgers and drinking copious amounts of beer is no mean feat however Mr Ruby manages to get a fine balance between all responsibilities and past times. Rumour has it though that the front lawn of his house will be covered in plastic after last years performance.