Sydney Schooners

Sydney Schooners, two words that strike fear into the hearts of Bar Owners and parents worldwide! Yes, the reputation of the Sydney Schooners has spread far and wide due, in part, to participation in Tens tournaments in such far flung outposts as Hong Kong, Manila, Orange and even Cowra. However the once feared Schooners have grown older and slower as proved by last year’s Manila 10’s squad with an average age of 38.9 years. Age shall not weary the Schooners, and they will give 110% as usual. They will fight ‘til the final whistle and will only be beaten by a better team on the day. They aren’t’ travelling all the way to Bondi to lose, you know!

The Sydney Schooners are an invitational side founded in 1985, and over the years have been represented by players from many clubs. In recent times they have made the sleepy rugby outpost of Manila there main calling card, but have been successful over the years in securing numerous pieces of silverware in the prestigious Hong Kong 10’s, as well as local tournaments.

The basis of the Bondi squad is made up from the following:

Steven “The Bald Eagle” Smith, (Clubs East’s, Old Ignatians, Colleagues). The Eagle has recently gained employment at the Sydney Hair Institute as a “before” model, and his previous attitudinal problems have been rectified chemically. His hobbies include Flag Pole sitting and appointing himself as Team Captain faster than Timmo can.

Tony “Dairy” Martin, (Clubs UWSH, Colleagues). “Doc” is employed by Yoplait as a taster and tester and has recently helped launch several new flavours. He has also volunteered his services to several Salsa Dance studios as an instructor. His hobbies are far too raunchy to be listed here, but can be viewed on line on his website.

Paul “Three Lies” Timmins, (Hong Kong FC, Old Ignatians). Paul has recently retired from competitive rugby, hence his appearance with the Schooners. Like any good accountant/financial controller, he will bore you to tears with his tales of balance sheets. Paul has a great collection of small, shiny things he picks up off the floor.

Angelo “Pea Beau” Maiorana, (Old Ignatians). Gelo first toured with the Schooners to Manila last year and nearly picked up several wives. Has worked fulltime on his “Hit and Spin” in the off-season. As the team’s only player of Italian Descent, Angelo brings with him a love of Puccini’s Opera and an appreciation of the arts.

Stephen “Grasshopper” Naughton, (Gunnedah, Old Ignatians). Naughto is an engineer who is trying to reconstruct the item described in the “engineer’s song”. He so far remains unsatisfied. He finds solace with a magnifying glass and some ants.

Michael “Pigeon” Boyd, (Colleagues). Boydy is an enigma, a plumber who specialises in aromatherapy and remedial massage! No wonder he has women problems! His manners are impeccable and he has a taste for the finer things in life like aromatic “s-bends”. His hobby is organising “High Tea” for his team-mates.

Michael “Granville” Palmer, (Old Ignatians). Block your ears! Granville has entered the building! Nothing prepares you for Granville. Born on the same day as a famour rail disaster Michael has recently picked up employment as a part time rock star, after a failed career in attempting to recreate the Houdini legend. His hobby is standing on tall things and then falling off them. His latest escape from death was a 70 km/h fall on Conrod Straight off his skate board.

Robert “Witchy Snake” Keogh, (Daramalan, Old Ignatians). Loved by everyone, except his team-mates, Rob takes exception to his team-mates scoring. Rob is a fully qualified Nasal Hair Waxer in high demand around Mardi Gras time. Rob has one of the World’s largest collections of join-the-dots books.

Tony “MVP” Anderson, (Mungos, Colleagues, Old Ignatians). Ando is a legend amongst Schooners. Has toured 4 times to Manila and returned as player of the tour each time. As a mentor he is someone to be looked down upon. He is currently employed as a PR man for himself. His hobbies include looking in mirrors and collecting pictures of himself. His scruples are unmatched by virtue of him falling in love with himself at the age of 8 and being faithful ever since.

Nick “Frodo of the Shire” Garling, (Old Ignatians, YCAC). Garlo is the ruler of his own fiefdom and self appointed member of the landed gentry. He has mastered all methods of Artificial Insemination and now looking for new challenges. Look for him in the upcoming “Star Struck” TV show where he impersonates Jon Bon Jovi. His collection of the Old style polystyrene Big Mac boxed provokes jealousy amongst his peers.

Tim “The Axe” Leese, (Mungo). Tim is the team’s master of the bleeding obvious. He is also the team’ pinup boy with cute, good looks and a charming giggle. He recently gave up his job as an accountant to become a gigolo. His hobbies are drinking pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, whilst he is not into yoga he has half a brain, he likes making love at midnight… you know the rest.

Dave “The Oracle” Bryant, (Sydney Uni, Old Ignatians). Dave’s reputation as a prodigy has spread far and wide. He speaks 18 languages and understands none. Mensa withdrew his membership after an “incident” but he remains on speaking terms. He is Steve Smith’s stand in at the Sydney Hair Institute. His favourite book is the Sydney White Pages. Rumoured to the know the name of the unknown soldier, although this is an unconfirmed report.

Terry “World’s Biggest” O’Brien, (Old Ignatians). Don’t let his physique fool you, Terry is the quickest Schooner over the 7.54 metre sprint. Judging by the hours of training he puts in, Terry thinks he will make his fortune as a professional beer taster. He is currently working as a tunnel support in the Cross City Tunnel. Terry relaxes by listening to his superb vinyl collection of Tasmanian Banjo Players, and has numeous pet squealing pigs.

Dave “Blue” McKillop, (Old Black Triallist, Massey University, Old Ignatians). Token Kiwi in squad. First time Sydney Schooner earns his living writing Sheep jokes for Aussie comedians. His collection of Chilly Bins and jandals is on permanent display in the Wellington Technology Museum.

Robert “Boggy” Ward, (Old Ignatians). Laconic, easy going or laid back is not descriptions that apply to Boggy. His edgy nervous behaviour is due to his high adrenaline lifestyle. From professional bungy jumping on Mondays to hang gliding instructor on the weekends his life is all Go! Go! Go! He doesn’t have time for pastimes or hobbies, but does collect epi pens.